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Post by Pele on Oct 27, 2009 1:53:49 GMT -5
hi guys,
I just learned that orangejasmine was banned from the Afterglow. I also know there were some arguments/discussions lately. But is this the reason she was banned?
I mean... if you put a lot of people in a room, there's bound to be arguing at some point... you can't help that. And maybe some people's ways of argueing rubs other people the wrong way, but banning someone..? In my opinion that goes a bit too far...
I'm just confused as to WHY. I always thought she was a lovely girl.
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Post by deborah77 on Oct 27, 2009 2:53:49 GMT -5
Sh was banned because she kept creating arguments on the afterglow. I pointed it out to her but she kept on putting the blame on everyone else and started flooding me with pms She also attacked me for favoring some people here because i had met them at the shows
i just would have liked her to look at her ways and try not to create fights anymore but i found out it was impossible to just discuss anything with her
We discussed all of this, Mel, Tom and Me and decided there was no other solution so i ended up banning her.
Believe me, this is no fun thing to do for an admin and i would have liked never to have to ban anyone here but i can't tolerate someone attacking others because they don't share the same opinions. I just want people to be able to say whatever they want without being afraid of other's reactions
If you want to discuss this further, you can pm me Inge
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Post by lucyispretty on Oct 27, 2009 3:43:11 GMT -5
I always thought she was a lovely girl. Yeah, that's what I thought too. It's a shame she had to leave, I will miss her. I won't say anything else about this because I don't want to cause a big discussion, just wanted to show some support for OJ. Over and out.
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Post by hoochie on Oct 27, 2009 4:40:29 GMT -5
I just want people to be able to say whatever they want without being afraid of other's reactions I so agree.
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Post by Luna Flavor on Oct 27, 2009 4:45:32 GMT -5
I don't want to cause trouble with this subject anymore either, but since the discussion has been opened here, I'd like to share a couple of thoughts.
I thought she was lovely girl too. And I still do, in some way. But the endless search for blame in others? Analyzing people's personality and agenda publicly? And the really exhausting and ugly pm war, that luckily most of you didn't have to experience.
I think it's good this discussion is opened here (thumbs up, Pele!) and I suggest everyone says what they want to say about the matter here, so there will be no everlasting grudges, anymore.
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Post by Saar°berry on Oct 27, 2009 5:59:50 GMT -5
I haven't been here much lately. But I'll tell you that I support my fellow admin, Deb and the mods. Banning is something we rarely do on the 'Glow, but now and again it's necessary unfortunately. Fights are a no-no, we run a drama-free forum and everyone must follow them same rules. This is where we're different to lets say an @forumz.
I for one haven't had much contact with her, but I do remember her attacking me in one thread 'cos I shared my opinion about AATS and that somewhat always stayed with me. I think she was/is a very passionate person. That's good, but you can not hurt other people's feelings and you need to respect someone else's opinion on things. Discussions doesn't equal fights people. She didn't come across as someone who could respect someone else's thoughts. But like I said, I haven't been here much lately, so I only have read a gilmpse.
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Post by She-Ra Winehouse on Oct 27, 2009 7:13:21 GMT -5
I thought she was lovely too, untill she wasn't. Now, I know this is not fair, since she's not around, but for the sake of being open I decided to post in this tread. I have no problems with discussions. It's healthy to get things of your chest sometimes and, well we all have different opinions sometimes. I can also be a difficult person to agrue with, but this was something different. It's just when she started to accuse me of being a rascist (my best friend is from Surinam and all my friends are from all over the place, including religious stance and color, what do you think?) and basically ignoring me, I kind of went off on her. Fair enough, I have my own anger management issues Anyway, when I litterally waved a white flag it went unnoted. When she started quoting me and actually being friendly towards me, I really did think she was hoping to start over, but alas. When you disrespect a mod it's fair enough to be infractioned, or banned. I don't know exactly what happened there with Deb and 'favoring people she had met in real life' but that is just taking it over board. I mean, I agree to disagree with many people on things, especially with real life friends, but I at least try to be civil and not so defensive. Just my 0.02$.
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Post by Luna Flavor on Oct 27, 2009 7:56:08 GMT -5
Anyway, when I litterally waved a white flag it went unnoted. When she started quoting me and actually being friendly towards me, I really did think she was hoping to start over, but alas. Here's something I want to grab on, generally speaking, not just about OJ! Being active on a forum, whatever forum, has taught me many things about online communication. In real life, when you disagree with someone, we have things that show it; expressions, TONES, response. Here we don't have the nonverbal things so we seem to have just two options; either you confront the other person, or you start ignoring them. Which is powerful, but leaves us usually quite confused. In real life, this would be called passive aggressiveness, but the chances of solving things out are much more obvious than here. So, as Shireen's post above proves again, ignoring is the way of using and abusing power on the forums. I guess the ideal situation would be people being honest with each other without getting into arguments, but let's face it - it will never happen. So we'll always have ignoring as a weapon, as well as drama sometimes. I know I've been one of the drama launchers here and I've had a real deep look in the mirror cause of that. Don't want to be causing trouble, don't want to victimize myself, but all those things have happened and believe me guys, when admins and mods are talking about things relating to OJ here, I, too, take some of the blame, having been behaving judgementally, for instance when it comes to people hating songs and albums. But wouldn't it be abnormal, at least, if we were PERFECT in our twenty or thirty something? Life is to learn. These are the things I would've wanted her to realize about me and the fact I got very hurt by her last spring. But it didn't work out, which makes me sad. Instead I learn that she thought I came back only to revenge her and make everyone hate her. That was never my intention. I came back only because, some people kept in contact and assured me, I'm not that hated here I used to think (yes, my weakness). AND I wanted to freak-out the last European date cause one of my best friends was there! Reason for Editing: should preview more often...
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Post by borneoman on Oct 27, 2009 9:28:33 GMT -5
to be honest, I think you've been a bit unfair. I think a warning should have been sufficient. I think you went too far banning her, but of course that's my opinion.
personally we did lots of lyrics discussions, and 99% of the time we didn't agree, but myself I'm also pushy when discussing so that's not a problem for me.
and ok, she's been in fights, but there's always 2 people when there's a fight. Not just the one. When provoked, one should ignore the other person. But that's easy to say... practically, not very easy to do... and in the big fight during the MG thread, I've just read it now, and she clearly did not start anything, she was just defending herself. Just go and re-read how it all went...
I do agree in blocking people with psycho problems that do drama 24/7 and use the forum instead of a therapist, but don't think that was OJ's case. personally, I think you guys made a mistake and were not fair. That's my opinion...
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Post by Kat. on Oct 27, 2009 9:34:48 GMT -5
Agree with Marti.
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Post by Luna Flavor on Oct 27, 2009 9:42:33 GMT -5
and in the big fight during the MG thread, I've just read it now, and she clearly did not start anything, she was just defending herself. Just go and re-read how it all went... I've re-read it times and times, tried to see what went wrong and how. I don't think this is about who started, but I understand your point. It's really hard to understand the difference between what's been meant, and how it has been taken. That's my opinion about this. And I personally think, she went too far that time, it started to sound like all she does here is interpret other people's "true agendas" and use it against them later. But Marti and Kat, I'm so glad you came here to tell your point, really!! This is refreshing to have this kind of openness here!
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Post by She-Ra Winehouse on Oct 27, 2009 10:01:50 GMT -5
We do not know what went on behind the scenes though so I believe Deborah had her reason for banning her and if that is what she felt was appropriate I can't argue with that.
I honestly also thought banning was a bit over the top but like I said I don't know the exchanges between Deb and OJ so I don't think I can comment on that.
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Post by Luna Flavor on Oct 27, 2009 10:11:57 GMT -5
^Agree 100 %
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Post by Peeping Tommi on Oct 27, 2009 10:55:05 GMT -5
I totally understand some of you being protective over OrangeJasmine and questioning the fact that she got banned. You have all the right to ask about it. But please take this from me: Deborah is one of the sweetest girls I've ever met in my entire life and it takes a lot to get her pissed, let alone ban a person. I've read the exchanges between Deborah and OrangeJasmine and unfortunately I have to say that OrangeJasmine was indeed very disrespectful to her to a point where we had to decide to ban her. As Saar stated already: The Afterglow is supposed to be a drama-free forum. That's the policy here. It's okay to have discussions and it's of course okay to disagree, but if a member frequently causes drama on the board - or at least creates a vibe that's not friendly and respectful, then admins and mods have to discuss this and make a decision. And after reading the PM's that OrangeJasmine has sent to Deborah, I think we made the right decision to ban her. End of story.
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Post by Pele on Oct 27, 2009 13:01:30 GMT -5
I know that Debs is the sweetest cherry in any apple pie. And I know that this cannot have been easy for her. I was just asking as to why OrangeJasmine was banned. I still think banning someone goes a tad bit far. But that's just my opinion. And I still think she is a really nice girl. I've never had any beef with her or anyone else. Of course, I definitely respect your decision, I'm just a bit sad it has to be this way. That is all. I still love you guys though
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