Post by Saar°berry on Sept 18, 2007 16:13:42 GMT -5
A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the dude at the counter, "Got any weed?" The man politely replied, "Um, no sir. We do not sell marijuana here." So he left. The same guy comes back the next day and says, "Got any weed?" The man behind the counter, although slightly annoyed, patiently replied, "No sir. We don't sell marijuana." So the man went home.
He goes once again to the gas station. And again, he says to the guy working there, "Got any weed?" By this time the other dude was pissed. He yells, "You freakin' refer-lovin', pot-head burn-out! I told you, we don't sell that crap here! If you ever come back in here asking for that filthy crap again, I'll nail your freaking feet to the floor. Got it? Now beat it before I call the cops." So the stoner left.
The next day he went back to the same old place with a dopey smile on his face. He went to the cashier and said, "Got any nails?" The man hesitated, then replied, "um, no. . . sir, we don't sell nails here." The stoner grinned. "Got any weed?"
Reason for Editing: oopsie.
Last Edit: Sept 18, 2007 16:14:12 GMT -5 by Saar°berry
A chicken walks into a library and flies up onto the service desk. He looks the librarian in the eyes and says "bbbboooooook." The librarian is perplexed, but she hands the chicken something easy, Spot can Run. The chicken picks up the book in his beak and leaves the library. He comes back the next day, flapping onto the desk and again, says "booooook." The librarian decides to give him something harder, so she gives him The Hobbit. The chicken picks up the book in his beak and leaves the library. The chicken comes back the next day, flapping onto the desk and again, says "booooook." The librarian decides to give him something harder, so she gives him The Old Man and The Sea. The chicken picks up the book in his beak and leaves the library. The chicken comes back the next day, flying onto the desk and again, says "booooook." The librarian decides to give him something harder, so she gives him Crime and Punishment.
The chicken comes back the next day and the next, flying onto the desk and saying "booooook." After the chicken has taken all the books he can out from the library, the librarian says "Wait a minute" and rings the local newspaper. When the journalist comes the librarian is in a flurry, and says "This chicken is a genius! He's managed to read 30 books in 30 days, from children's books to Dostoevsky!" The chicken again says "booooooook." The librarian gives him A Brief History of Time and the chicken picks up the book and takes it outside. The journalist and the librarian follow the chicken to a pond. The chicken puts the book in front of a big frog, who says "rrrreeeeaaaddd it."
A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a self-fashioned pair of shorts made out of Saran Wrap (clear plastic wrap like you put over leftover food for those not in countries familiar with the brand name).
The psychiatrist says "I can clearly see your nuts."
An American, and Irishman and an Englishman are on top of the Empire State building, enjoying the view and downing a few beers. They are all drinking the same beer. The American says, "I think that this is a magic beer and I can prove it." The others just laugh.
The American jumps off the building and flies around it three times. The Irishman, completely impressed, skulls down his beer and jumps off the top of the building.
The Irishman plummets to his death.
The Scotsman turns to the American and says "Nice going, Superman."
A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman he spotted dining alone.
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.
She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and
decided to send a reply note to the man.
The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: For me to accept this bottle, you would need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants." After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of
his own in return.
He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.
For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I consider cutting off three inches. Just send the bottle back.
^ No, I've just wanted to do it for a really long time! Ever since I saw the 'dolphin shoot' and her wear those superhero puffy sleeves, I'm like "So, you want to be a superhero then, Tori?"
And when I read about what she was doing for the girls in Brisbane and Adelaide by playing MAAG, and what she does for so many women in the world, I kinda thought about her as a superhero. All the other women superheroes are 'created' by men, the bionic woman, wonder woman got her powers from the Gods (who were men); while cat woman, she-hulk, bat girl, and Lois Lane are just pretty sidekicks. Don't get me started on Betty and Veronica and Josie and the Pussycats, or the incoherent babble of Æon Flux, or the 'girl power' of Modesty Blaze, "Xena" or "Buffy."
Tori has said herself that the core of the the Doll Posse is kick the asses of complacent American Women who choose one personality characteristic instead of accepting that we are fluid in our personalities, and are malleable in our lives, and that American women should not just be sitting there acting 'helpless' while some vile pig called George Bush terrorizes the rest of the world. That boldness and guts to me is a superpower worthy of Superman's ability to fly, or Spiderman's ability to cast webs, or the Hulk's super-strength.
That's why she's Super Tori, and that's why she's been kicking your ass since 1963.