Post by Saar°berry on Jun 16, 2003 14:20:54 GMT -5
The following, heaven help us, are from term papers
and twelth grade history finals.
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all
wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert.
The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants
have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also
had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his
career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized
by Bernard Shaw.
9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen
she was a success. When she exposed herself before
her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
Sir Fransis Drake circumcised the world with a
100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly
on his birthday. He never made much money and is
famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet is an example of a heroic
couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote." The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost."
Then his wife died and he wrote "Paradise Regained."
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration
of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse
divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died
in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he
was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14,
1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his
seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children. In
between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept
up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
and twelth grade history finals.
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all
wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert.
The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants
have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also
had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his
career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized
by Bernard Shaw.
9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen
she was a success. When she exposed herself before
her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
Sir Fransis Drake circumcised the world with a
100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly
on his birthday. He never made much money and is
famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet is an example of a heroic
couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote." The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost."
Then his wife died and he wrote "Paradise Regained."
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration
of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse
divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died
in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he
was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14,
1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his
seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children. In
between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept
up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.