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Post by Leewah Brown on Mar 3, 2004 21:13:00 GMT -5
Have any of you read Paulo Coelho?
His most famous work is The Alchemist.
He's sold over 20 million books worldwide and has been translated into 42 languages!!
I've just read Veronika Decides To Die and feel quite disturbed. As an overview this book follows Veronika, a young Slovenian girl (Maya, I kept thinking of you throughout this book, but not for the details I'm about to mention) who decides she wants to die and takes an overdose of sleeping pills.
She wakes in the local mental hospital where she discovers that although she is alive, her heart has been damaged so badly that she only has a few days to live.
Now this is not a morbid story or one of sorrow, but it explores so many concepts of human thoughts & behaviour and raises so many questions about life itself.
I found myself on the train this morning wanting to go back home and pack my things. I wanted to escape, but I don't know what from. I feel disillusioned with life goddamit!!!!
I don't want to work with people who don't value me, I want to be able to express myself how I please without fear or judgement. But how does one do this??
I have no fucking idea, but jeez i feel messed up today.
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Post by Alamo on Mar 4, 2004 5:36:50 GMT -5
i have read The Alchemist. the story you are talking about sounds disturbing. to be honest: i avoid reading such books  the drag me down for weeks. i am sorry you feel messed up  i am sure there are many people who value you. hm, i thought you like your job? did you have problems? sometimes it is just a period when you you hate what you are doing (cause you do every day the same stuff). anyway, take care, butterfly  |
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Post by shiseidored on Mar 6, 2004 20:52:55 GMT -5
I can not read depressing books either,The bad thoughts stay in my head for to long and i get mopey,and not care about much. Leewah i hope you are feeling better lately We all at some stage get feelings of restriction,its wether you get these feelings all the time that you need to look at your currant arrangements Dont get pressured into pleasing everyone because the truth is you will never be able to do it,You are a vibrant happy go lucky kind of girl,and you should value that about yourself.. Read something cheerfull something that will envoke hope and look after your self   |
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Post by Saar°berry on Mar 7, 2004 10:41:34 GMT -5
Oh my, Leah.  I can't read such books either. They make me depressed... and can't function normally anmyore for like weeks in a row!  I mean, I really get into stories, books, movies... most of the time I feel like I'm living those stories or movies... So I try to avoid them. Sweety, there are loads of people who value you for who you are and what you do.  I'm sorry you're feeling like that. I hope you already feel a bit better by the time you read our posts here. I also hope you will find a better job, 'cos I think you really don't like working where you're working now. How are things going so far? (job hunt) Take one day at a time... don't forget that we're all here for you, hon.  Good luck with everything!  I'm here for you when you need an ear! Much support always, Rasp xxx |
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Post by Leewah Brown on Mar 7, 2004 21:38:19 GMT -5
Thank you all so much for your wisdom & grace. I was feeling kinda messed up when I posted this (obviously  ) but am feeling reinvigorated after the weekend. Life is just too short to be placing yourself in circles where you don't want to be. This is going to be a year of change for Miss Leewah Brown! I do think it is healthy to question what you are doing at times. I don't want to become complacent with my life and accept things because 'that's the way things are'. And Teppic, what you said to Hyp regarding living in the here & now - this is precisely what I want to do. Today is the only day you have!! Love & virtual hugs to you all xxxxx
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Post by Melankolic on Mar 9, 2004 1:28:51 GMT -5
Sorry, bit late! But I wanted to empathise with you Leah. I feel like this a lot. I'm not very happy with my job either... I mean it could certainly be worse... but I just don't feel like it's going anywhere and I need to get out and do something else but I don't know what! Also I need to get more work experience as almost every job I look at expects at least 6 months - 1 year experience and I just don't have that so likely won't even be considered. Still it would help if I actually knew what I wanted to even apply for  I don't know if you were also hitting on this (maybe not feeling as dramatic as me!) but some days do you just sit there and think - "what is the point of any of this"?! I don't mean in a suicidal sense but just how our lives can become so monotonous and cyclical? I get up each week day at 7:30am or so, get ready and go to work. Am there till 6pm ... bus back home. Get in just before 7pm., have dinner, go feed my message board addiction, listen to a bit of music, back to bed ... up again next day at 7:30am - same again! Just feels lke my life is wasting away some times. I feel like just saying "fuck it all" and going travelling around the world but unfortunately in reality it's not so easy to do do this... Sorry, bit of a rant! Anyway, glad to hear you were reinvigourated after the weekend Leah, please don't feel too down. You're such a ray of sunshine in here so when you are feeling miserable what hope is there for the rest of us! ;D xxx |
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Post by Leewah Brown on Mar 9, 2004 21:29:22 GMT -5
Oh Steve! You really have empathised with my inner demons. YES and YES and YES and YES.... Work - you spend so much of your precious waking hours chained to it. I too don't know which direction to take. I've been in publishing for 5 years and whilst it can be a rewarding and exciting industry I don't know if it is for me. I'm due for a promotion & pay rise in a few months but not even that excites me. Perhaps a career advisor could help me! The monotony of working a Monday - Friday job... ewwww. I've been feeling so tired lately. I haven't picked up a paintbrush or put pen to paper in months & months. My friend and I signed up for a sewing course (we are going to be the next big thing in design guys  ) which starts soon so hopefully that will inspire me! I hear a gorgeous song, I see an amazing band, and the music - I take myself away to another place. Music saves me!! I'm so grateful to performers who bare their souls on stage and allow me to feel emotions like I never have before. Everything in the moment is real! Mike and I have wanted to travel together for about the last 4 years, but as he is still building up his own business I don't see us doing the backpacking thing together for a long time. This also upsets me immensely as at 25 I envisioned I would have achieved so much more. I'm restless. I don't kid myself that I'm alone in this predicament, but it's sure nice to see my woes spelled out by another who happens to abide on the other side of the big swollen tear drop that is the ocean. xx |
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Post by Smurph on Mar 10, 2004 18:00:10 GMT -5
I don't know if you were also hitting on this (maybe not feeling as dramatic as me!) but some days do you just sit there and think - "what is the point of any of this"?! I don't mean in a suicidal sense but just how our lives can become so monotonous and cyclical? Amen brother!  Just countng the days to rock stardom guess... |
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Post by hypnotic on Mar 10, 2004 18:04:33 GMT -5
we should have an orgy  |
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pandora
Cactus Practice
[M0:21]
Posts: 22
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Post by pandora on Mar 10, 2004 21:28:55 GMT -5
Yup, I feel the same way, I said to myself..."I'm gonna work for the rest of my fucking life, and for what?"... It's like you see the world pass before you, so fast, and its so hard too think about all that you are missing, cuz of some fucking rut, some fucking routine that is life...but what keeps me up is, and I say this to myself..."only I have the power to change this"....and I know one day I will |
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Post by hypnotic on Mar 12, 2004 7:29:51 GMT -5
yep, these kind of thought drove me to my final decision :i'm not going to study at Uni next fall. I'll work more and possibly go live by myself . I want this kind of change in my life. To have my own money and know that I build myself something, whatever I wanted. the job that i currently have on the net pys enough but i'll have to work more. now i have to study for my exams and it's not like i need a 1000 dollars a month cos i still live at hime. but one day i wanna have a 1000 and live by myself and still b able to buy me stuff or go somewhere (visit u all) . so this is my journey for the next few months : finish exams for fuckin' high school - graduate, do a course for masseur (sp?) cos I'm very good at it and if i get the paper i can start workin in a wellness center near my place ( a girl i know works there) and then i want me and mom to sell this apartment and she'll go live by herself and i'll do the same. I'm looking forward to such peace. |
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Post by Saar°berry on Mar 12, 2004 10:53:06 GMT -5
Awww that's cool, Maja! I wish you much luck with it! Let us know how everything goes! |
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Post by hypnotic on Mar 12, 2004 11:31:51 GMT -5
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Post by shiseidored on Mar 13, 2004 7:48:27 GMT -5
It feels good when you have something to look forward too I wish you so much happiness Maja..Living out on your own will help a lot with your sex life ;)Just have fun |
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Post by Alamo on Mar 13, 2004 8:06:51 GMT -5
yep maja! i can understand you sooo much. i can't wait to finish my study and work and live on my own. i wish you good luck with everything! |
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