A panda walks into a restaurant's, sits down and politely orders a hamburger. Baffled the restaurant's staff complies and brings him his meal. He dines quietly and as he finished he pulls out a handgun fires three shots in to the air and runs out the front door.
The next week the panda comes back to the same restaurant. He sits in the same spot but when he orders his food the waiter says, "I don't mind serving you but why did you behave in such a way last time?" The Panda hands the waiter a book on Wild Animals turned to the page on pandas and says, "Read that write there.".
The waiter reads,"Panda Bears are known to eat shoots and leaves".
He laid her on the table So white clean and bare. His forehead wet with beads of sweat He rubbed her here and there. He touched her neck and then her breast And then drooling felt her thigh. The slit was wet and all was set, He gave a joyous cry. The hole was wide... he looked inside All was dark and murky. He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
Post by almosthistorical on Aug 22, 2008 18:00:30 GMT -5
Two men were sitting in a bar discussing which one of them were the happiest. And as you all know, men think that sex is what makes you happy. So the first man asks, 'how often do you get some?' and the other man answers, 'once every two week'. Then he asks the first man, 'how often do YOU get some?' and the first man answers 'once every month'. Suddenly, they see the bartender who's got a big smile on his face and looks happy, and they ask him, 'how come you look so happy? how often do you get some?' and the bartender answers, 'I get laid once every third year!' 'Then how come you look so happy?' ask the two men, and the bartender says, 'because tonight is the night!'
A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the dude at the counter, "Got any weed?" The man politely replied, "Um, no sir. We do not sell marijuana here." So he left. The same guy comes back the next day and says, "Got any weed?" The man behind the counter, although slightly annoyed, patiently replied, "No sir. We don't sell marijuana." So the man went home.
He goes once again to the gas station. And again, he says to the guy working there, "Got any weed?" By this time the other dude was pissed. He yells, "You freakin' refer-lovin', pot-head burn-out! I told you, we don't sell that crap here! If you ever come back in here asking for that filthy crap again, I'll nail your freaking feet to the floor. Got it? Now beat it before I call the cops." So the stoner left.
The next day he went back to the same old place with a dopey smile on his face. He went to the cashier and said, "Got any nails?" The man hesitated, then replied, "um, no. . . sir, we don't sell nails here." The stoner grinned. "Got any weed?"
So there's a stoner and a super-genius sitting on a bench waiting on a bus.
The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, "Hey I'll tell you what, I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I have to give you fifty bucks."
The stoner says, "All right, man."
The genius asks the stoner, "What is the Pythagorian Theory?"
The stoner replies, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks.
"Okay," the stoner says, "What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?"
The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. He hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, "So, what is the answer?"
The stoner says, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks...
;D ...And of course, I got this off the internet. I didn't write it. But it's funny...
"Just another freak, in the freak kingdom..." - Hunter S. Thompson
Post by tineegurl29 on Aug 27, 2008 15:06:32 GMT -5
A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snackcake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too!!
I just got this email from my crazy cousin back East
Manure... An interesting fact
Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term 'Ship High In Transit' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Neither did I.
I had always thought it was a golf term.
Last Edit: Nov 27, 2008 10:44:23 GMT -5 by mycloud